A Good Cry

There are some times when tears come easily. People would think I am crying at nothing but what is going on in my mind and heart are known, at that moment, by myself and God. For instance yesterday, out of the blue, I started crying at a coffee house I was at (it might have gone unnoticed...with a discrete eye wipe or two). I wasn't crying at the song that was being sung but instead was crying because I was touched by a mentally handicapped person that was there. He was just taken by the music and was expressing it. Tears came first because he reminded me of my mentally handicapped friends in Kenya whom I miss so much. But tears continued because I could see how him and I were the same..we are misunderstood and long to love and be loved for who we are.

As I was thinking about crying I realized that I've always been okay with crying...feels good and sometimes after you get it out then you can get moving again. Crying, I have found though, is more excepted in our culture then in other cultures. In Kenya, to be openly emotional is to show a weakness and it is rare to see that type of emotional unless a person or family has experienced great pain or gone through a traumatic situation. I have embarassed more than one Kenyan by letting my tears flow but being emotional my whole life, its hard to stop the water works when they start. It is true we can be emotional about things that are seemingly ridiculous or we can blow things out of proportion. But other times, emotions surface because we allowing ourselves to feel as the Lord feels or allowing our God given passions to move the very heart of us.

There is a certain freedom in being able to express your emotions in whatever way works best for you. For me, when the tears come I just let them run their course and allow the Lord to speak to me through these moments. He is pulling my heart strings for a reason. When moments touch me, I try to take notice and not push it aside.

Yes, it is easier to be numb and not feel. But it is amazing when you surrender and allow God's heart to be your heart. It is good to be joyful for things that make Him joyful and be broken for the things that make Him broken. I want my heartbeat and God's heartbeat to be in sync. For me, the things that I am most passionate about are the things that make the tears well up and fall.I want things to move me deeply. I want the Lord to move me deeply. So when a good cry comes, I welcome it.

Believe

Every so often I get nervous and worried about if I have what it takes to do what the Lord has called me to do......*sigh*

I went to my young adult group last night even though all I wanted to do was be anti-social at home and watch LOST. I was just in one of those funks where I felt like nobody gets me and honestly I was just missing Kenya a bunch. But I fought it because I knew Satan was trying to knock me down and I also knew that too many episodes of LOST would really mess up my brain.

It was a wonderful discussion but I came away with one word that stuck in my heart and made all the difference. BELIEVE. What do I need to do to accomplish the works that the Lord has called me to do? BELIEVE. He will make all else fall into place.

This is the same word that is the wallpaper on my phone. I took the picture last week when I was in New York City. The word lit up on the side of Macy's just captivated me. BELIEVE. So when I start to doubt or when Satan tries to give me a whammy, I can just know that all the Lord requires of me is to BELIEVE and He will work out the details.

A Precious Harvest

I have been working with one of my client's going on three years now. We've had our ups and downs but at the end of the day I would say I would say that this little one has a special place in my heart. Sometimes I'll tell people that this girl is my best friend. It seemed that when I felt like the whole world was against me, Little Miss would know it and give me the smile or hug I would need. We developed a bond over the years.

It hasn't been all sunshine and roses though. As I was thinking of what to write on my blog, for some reason I kept being reminded of two words that, when spoken to Little Miss, would make her holler at me something fierce. These two words are: WAIT and LISTEN.

Little Miss doesn't like those words. Sometimes those words would bring her to tears. I don't think we, as a whole, like those words either. This is what the Lord tells us to do but I think we often give the same response as Little Miss does: scream our pretty/handsome little heads off. Sometimes we verbalize our frustrations but often I believe, we are screaming on the inside and trying to keep our cool on the outside. But God hears both the inside and outside screams, so we just to vocalize them like Little Miss and allow the Lord to gently quiet our hearts and trust Him more.

I thought about these words more as we looked at the book of James on Thursday night at a youth ministry I volunteer at. James 5: 7-12 talks about patience and waiting. It talks about how a farmer needs to be patient and wait for the crops to grow. A farmer can't harvest before it is time: He will end up with a lousy bunch of crops which won't be worth much and will be lacking. But if a farmer is patient, then he will have a "precious harvest." Also, the bible study leader that night touched on "establishing your heart." He gave the example of a tree with deep roots, which is compared to a person who knows God and His great love, seeks to know Him more, and who practices waiting and listening to Him. This person will be able to perservere in times of trouble and will be able to stand strong because they know who Christ is and know who they are in Christ.

Okay...so wouldn't you know that in Kenya, I have been given two names from different tribes that have been really special to me. The one I adore is: Nekesa, which means Harvester. I believe that the Lord is telling me to be the patient farmer who will have a "precious harvest" when the time is right. The second name is Moraa (More-uh), which means a tree on a hill that provides shade. I believe the Lord is telling me to dig my roots deep into the soil..to get to know Him better...to trust Him more...to listen more...and that when the time is right He will use me to be a refuge..a covering..for those who need it.

Sorry Jesus for hollering at you when you told me to WAIT and LISTEN! I have been like Little Miss so many times. Thank you for teaching me through these precious little ones and making things connect to teach me and grow me.