Obedience

What are some reasons we obey:

1. Out of fear or to avoid negative consequences of not obeying.
2. Social obligation. For example: He is a cop so i need to listen to what he says.
3. To get some reward or compensation for following the rules.
4. Out of love and respect for the person who is making the rules and setting the guidelines.

I would say these are the 4 big reasons we are obedient. I would say often you and I jump back and forth between the first 3 listed more often than we successfully achieve #4. In fact, the reason I am writing this blog tonight is because my realization of how I lately, in one area of my life in particular, have been obedient to God and looking for the reward instead of being obedient out of a complete and genuine love and respect for my Lord. When I say things like "Jesus, I've followed your calling and I know it would be a lonely calling but if you would just now provide for me a husband, that would be grand", which reason do you think I am obeying for?? Another way to say it would be " Lord, I've done this for you...now do what I want." Ouch...here I am in my head and heart trying to boss the maker of the Universe around.

And the thing of it is: Jesus tells us that there will be negative consequences for our disobedience out of love and respect for us. Jesus is not obligated to give us anything or do anything for us, but He does out of love and respect for us. Jesus blesses us for our obedience because of His great love and respect for us. So essentially i am serving someone who will love and respect more than any other man ever will. He ALWAYS operates for that place of love and all He does he does out of unconditional love. He has no ulterior motives, no angles He is playing, no scheme He is working out...He is pure and genuine through and through.

Lord, help me to do everything for you out of love and respect. I repent for the times where I have been obedient to you because I am Your follower but then I allowed my heart full of wants to twist the truth up and then look for my reward. I repent for feeling You were obligated to do for me because I had done something for you. Lord, make me genuine in my thoughts and acts and reasons for serving. I really do only want your will for my life and I trust in Your perfect timing in all areas of my life. Allow me to stay focused and BELIEVE!

Whimsical

Life with Jesus is such an adventure!!! But we forget :( We settle for the daily hum drum when our every day walk with Christ can be such an amazing journey. We get scheduled, we get frustrated, we get distracted, we get bored, etc. We become shells of people or corked up bottles of energy and passion. We decide to fit in and make due instead of being real about who we are in Christ. We also choose to be in control and have set times in our date books instead of being available to follow the Lord's leading at a moments notice.

A word that resonates in my heart lately is "whimsical." In life in general and in life with Christ, I want to be whimsical. I want to try things I have never tried before and go places I've never gone. I want to experience life and enjoy each moment. I also want to be whimsical in the sense where I finally know what its like to be so totally sold out for Christ that on a whim, a hunch, a nudge...i will do things in Christ's name that I've never done before and experience Christ's love and power through me in a way I never have before, to reach out to people that I've never reached out to before. I/We sometimes think that such experiences are to be saved for focused times of ministry or missions trips. But NO, every single day opportunities are given to us. Do we listen and go and do or do we ignore and check off the next thing on our to do list??

My mind and heart are certainly in adventure mode more than ever before. I am ready...waiting...wanting more of Him and less of me. Let's do this Jesus!!

Back from Camp

It's been long since i have blogged but I thought we had some catching up to do. It looks like i will have a much lighter schedule this next year in some respects, which just might warrant more time to blog. I returned from summer camp almost 2 weeks ago. It was an amazing time where I learned not only about working with those with disabilities but also about community, myself, adventure, vulnerability, etc. I almost turned down the position to work at this camp but obviously i am glad i did not.

The Lord needed to take me away from the norm to get my full attention. He blessed my obedience by providing a group of people who are excited about working with those with disabilities but also with such hearts for Africa!! I think i have at least 15 people who want to come and volunteer...haha...and I am ready to welcome them when that time comes : ) I felt encouraged and free to share. I also just adored the campers that came and they brought joy to my heart. Their personalities were big and their hearts were bigger still. I felt that I could love well and that I was loved well in return.

I will elaborate more later (because i will get better at this blogging stuff!!!). Since "life is not summer camp," i am back in PA getting my heart and mind ready for preschool to start up again. Satan has really hit me hard this week (which i was fully expecting) but "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." (lol) I am glad i have this to time to get refreshed and refocused.

And the Answer is...........

Okay, this post is in response to the questions people ask me about The SKY Mission and what I am up to! So I will answer the "biggies" that i can think of and if you have any additional questions...post them on here or on Facebook....and i will answer them as well. In no particular order:

Are you going to Kenya this summer??
The past two summers I have gone to Kenya for 3 months. However, this summer I believe I will not be traveling to Africa. I have different options at the present time, which I will tell you about when I have a clearer idea on what July and August will look like. Preschool goes until the end of June and will start back up at the end of August, so I only i have 8 weeks at the most to play around with. As much as my heart longs to be in Kenya sooner rather than later, I believe the Lord has something different and exciting in store for me those 2 months.

When are you moving to Kenya??
I am still working on paying off my college loans. With God's help, I have been able to save half of the total loan amount in 6 months. It is my hope that by the end of the year, I will be able to clear the whole amount!!! Once I am able to do this, it will free me to go with out any financial responsibility holding me back here. I am considering if i will finish the school year out in 2012 with the kiddos and then move on with them (the majority of students we have now will be transitioning the end of next year). Still praying and seeking the Lord to see what He would have me do. I've said that I want to move to Kenya before I'm 30, and that seems like a really good possibility.

Do you have an organization you are with??
This is in the Lord's hands. I do believe it is one of the reasons God has me in America for this season. This decision is a big one and I want the Lord to make it...not me. When an option presents itself, I approach it with prayer and I know as long as I keep on surrendering the matter to Him, He will help me find the best fit for me and the SKY Mission. So, right now, the answer to this question is NO. But I see how the Lord is at work and is putting the pieces together. Also, i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was suppose to move forward independently in faith these past 2 years and that that would be part of the means to the end goal.

Do you know Swahili?
I am learning! I know enough Swahili to make children think I am fluent. I know enough Swahili to be able to piece together conversations, sermons, songs, etc. and know what people are talking or singing about. I know enough Swahili to get around and suprise Kenyans who think i am just an English speaking mzungu. Trouble is, when you start to know enough Swahili to be understood and understand others...then Kenyans switch to their tribal languages and really lose you. And with over 40 tribal languages spoken in Kenya, thanks but no thanks..i'll stick with Swahili and English thank you (well atleast for now).

Are you worried about moving to Kenya?
NO! I know that when I am in God's will, I am safer in Kenya being obedient to His will than here being disobedient. He is equipping me and will continue to equip with me with everything I need to do the work He has sent me to do. I have never felt like I would be a lone ranger in this calling, so am excited to see how the Lord will provide an individual, a team of individuals, an organization...(whatever His plan is)...to help Him and I do the work that I am meant to do.

Would you be okay if the Lord sent you somewhere else after Kenya??
This question was asked by a friend of mine in 2009, a month or so after returning from Kenya that 1st summer I went on my own. When she asked me this question, I was taken back because I had never even considered it. In my head I thought, " Of course God would not send me somewhere else, that's ridiculous." But in the year and half since then, I have been able to think about this question and I've realized that no matter where the Lord sends me, I will serve Him faithfully. So, if the Lord has me in Kenya the rest of my life...praise God...I will serve Him faithfully. If the Lord presents another need in another country and says " Go "...I will serve Him faithfully there. Heck, i didn't even think i would EVER go to Africa and EVER want to move there and He made that change of heart in me. Whatever His plan is, it is much better than mine.

Where will you live in Kenya?
I am hoping to start the home in a village area. Once a place is built or bought, I hope to be on the same compound as the ministry. While I was visiting my friend upcountry in Kenya, I came across many beautiful huts that I really did admire. I took maybe 6-10 pictures of this one hut that I really fell in love with (crazy white girl...right??) Therefore, i think a cozy hut is what I will call home, in a village area, surrounded by "my" wonderful kiddos : )

How can I be praying for you??
Pray that I continue to surrender everything to God. Pray that I remain confident and secure in His plan for me. Pray against the schemes of the devil and the ways he tries to make me ineffective. Pray for PATIENCE as I wait upon the Lord to see how all the lingering pieces will come together. Pray for an open heart that knows how He wants me to serve in the here and now.

Okay, thats all I have for now. Thanks for joining me on this journey. Any more questions?! Feel free to ask. God Bless You abundantly.

God's Will and Nothing Else!

I want God's will and nothing else. Yet still sometimes I play around and try to control things in my favor. When Jesus was in the Garden, He said "If you can, please take this cup from me. But if not, your will be done." Either way, it was up to God. When I pray sometimes, I bet it sounds more like this "If you can, please make this or that happen. But if not, then I will have to make things happen for myself." Do i know that God's will for me is best?? YES!!! Do I still sometimes struggle with my flesh for the ability to decide all the where, when, who, what, and how questions?? YES!!!

Luckily, I at a point in my walk with Christ that I can usually catch when I fall into this trap. Also, I have great brothers and sisters in Christ who keep me accountable. We have to help each other out because it is hard to remember that there is just one option....not numerous options to pick from when making our live's decisions. Our one option is: God's will and nothing else!

But, boy, do we live in a society that loves options?!? So how are we possibly able to live with a "one option mindset"? The answer is: surrender. Surrender is not an easy thing so it might need to be a one day at a time sort of thing. But when we do it and live a life of surrender, we will most certainly reap the benefits and be living life more abundantly because of it. God does not want us to die to self so we can be miserable here on Earth. Instead, He wants to use us, bless us, strengthen us, and have us fulfill the purpose for why we are here. If we keep on getting in His way, this is likely not to happen or likely not to happen in the way He willed for it to.

With surrender comes sacrifice. We sacrifice our own ways for His. We sacrifice our own wants for His. We sacrifice our decisions for His. And the results will be amazing.

I refuse to ignore the lost and forgotten

According to CNN, there are about 3 million mentally handicapped people living in the slums and villages of Kenya. Tonight and tomorrow, Kenya will be featured on CNN's World's Untold Stories. The title of the episode is "Lost and Forgotten" and all about the plight of those who are mentally ill in Kenya.

I was able to watch small clips on CNN's website and my heart and mind was taken away with thoughts of Kenya and my mentally and physically challenged friends there. Just seeing these 2-3 minute excerpts raised within me a sudden urgency to get back to Kenya and start what I am called to do. I know it is to happen in the Lord's timing...so i will wait. However, in this waiting time, my passion and love for the disabled in Kenya grows and grows.

I have been able to walk along side families with special needs and work with special needs kids here in the states. I have heard their struggles and sympathized with their difficulties. The Lord has allowed me to feel a piece of what they feel and has allowed my heart to hurt for them. But just imagine, if the struggles are great for those with challenges here in the states, imagine how those struggles can be multiplied when you live in a 3rd world country.

No one deserves to be thrown away, forgotten, mistreated, abused, neglected, hidden, etc. But this is what is happening to mentally ill and physically disabled in a lot of places throughout the world....even in America this happens. It makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me want to scream! But I know God's hand is upon them. I know God is among those who the world has tossed aside.

I've said it before but it is worth saying again..I have been completely blessed and unconditionally loved by those who are mentally and physically disabled that I am honored to call my friends.

As I think about the future and my missions work, the doubt that I can make a real difference does invade my thoughts at weak moments. But then the Lord reminds me that He did and continues to do big things through individuals who are wholly surrendered to Him. May I continue to die to my flesh and live in Christ.

In closing, I'd like to share some lyrics from a song that has caught my attention recently. The title is "I Refuse" by Josh Wilson. It says "I refuse to sit around wait for someone else to do what God called me to do myself. I could choose not to move but I refuse." And this is true in my life, I refuse to make an excuse and do nothing. I choose to move. I choose to hear the cries of the desperate and needy and make it spur me into action.

Community

We were meant to live in community. We were meant to look after each other, to share each others sorrows and joys, to know each others hearts, to live in unity. The Lord set it up that way for a reason. I believe He knew that we could not do it alone and that love, support, and encouragement were going to be an essential part to our well being and our ability to endure and fulfill the callings He has placed on each of our lives. But it seems that we often miss the mark and that our communities are not as the Lord intended.

This brings me some sadness....knowing that I desire to share my heart but I fear the outcome and knowing that others feel the same way as I do. So instead of seeking out ways to make true community happen, we close ourselves off and live with the belief that we are just being idealistic and this want of love shared and felt within a group of people is an impossibility. Therefore, we press on with this longing but feel paralyzed to do anything about it.

I guess the change needs to begin within ourselves. For instance, I might be the one who needs to set the example of what it looks like to share from my heart about what is going on in my heart. It will involve putting myself out there and putting my heart on the line because I don't know how it will be received. And to be honest, there is a whole bunch of fear that surfaces when I even think about doing this. I think of times I tried to share my heart before hoping it would be received with compassion and care and it was not. This leaves me feeling like I can only test the waters with a person or two before I can even think of diving into the pool.

I don't have a conclusion right now to my musings and I don't know what the Lord will do in me and through me to address this matter. I just know that when I've gotten glimpses of community like that or have even had short periods where I was in community like that...it was good and it was Godly.

Director of "My Life"

Peace. I am a big fan of peace. I love to live in peace with everyone..I am not one for confrontation. I like when things are peaceful...I am opposed to loud music and obnoxious noises. Above all, I love when my heart and mind are peaceful..those times where I have a calmness of spirit and assurance that everything is under control. Paul mentions this type of peace in Phillipians 4: 7, "And the peace that trancends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Isn't that the best kind of peace of all?? A peace that is so encompassing that we don't question it, we just allow it to take us over and make us over.

Thus far in my 27 years, it is not often that I've experienced this kind of peace. For much of my life, I gave in fully into the torment that worry and doubt offered my heart and mind. It seemed there was always one issue/matter or more that I was trying to figure out on my own and then would come up against a brick wall. This left me defeated and depressed. This warrior in the battle wanted to drop her sword and retreat. But trying to battle alone leads you to one conclusion: you can't battle alone.

The Lord was always holding out that peace that passes all understanding for me to take. He knew that He had big plans for me and that without that peace, my mind and heart would be attacked and vulnerable to the enemy. This time, more than any other time in my life, I've latched on to that peace and I am clinging to the Prince of Peace and let me tell you...I cannot even put into words the difference it has made in my life.

The Lord lovingly brought me face to face with my worries and doubts of the past and showed me how He was present, gave me answers, and showed me the way. This means that the details that will need to be figured out in the next couple years are in the hands of my amazing Father. Therefore, I choose to move forward with peace and excitement and see how everything turn out. I am the star actress in the play, "My Life," and even though I don't have the script for the next scene...BOY, I know it will be great!! I trust the script writer and surrender myself to His direction.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1....Happy New Year!!

In an effort to state the obvious: another year has passed. To me, 2010 was a good year! The Lord restored my heart in January 2010 and brought me out of the fog I was in after coming back from my summer 2009 trip from Kenya. He took me down paths that I did not predict but all those paths have led me to a better and stronger place. But even though the year had been good to me, I held within me the excitement of a new year...the freshness of it all and the chance to start off right.

For me, 2011 has already brought a change of scenery. I have moved from the basement (dungeon) to the attic. I really like my new digs and I like that I will be able to see my "adopted" family more. Surprisingly enough, considering we lived in the same house...it was rare to see them. But now that we are sharing a kitchen and I'm passing through their living quarters more, this means more run-ins, times to chat, good fellowship.

I am also starting off this New Year more determined to get done all the things that have been accidently or not so accidently pushed to the side. I want to start of cross things off my list in a timely fashion and carry this on through out the year. For instance, I stopped today at the Dollar General today to get cards to send to people who should have received them long ago. This year holds the consideration of dropping 2 hours from one client so i will have one whole afternoon and evening to make sure that I do all the things that I need to and maintain my sanity. I like this prospect.

As soon as I could this New Year, I dove into the Word. I want to continue to grow as a woman in Christ. I want to see past my weaknesses and always see that the Lord is my strength. I want to be closer to Him than to anybody else or anything else.

Who knows what this new year will bring?! I know that I don't...and my guesses in year's past have been wrong. Jesus is in the business of surprising us and amazing us. Here's to a New Year and the Lord continuing the work He has started in me and each one of you.